Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I am sitting on the edge today. If I fall to one side, I will stay in California - or try. If I fall to the other I will return to Pennsylvania indefinitely. I have an interview at 7:30 in Burbank. If it goes well, I stay. If not, I am at the end of my rope.

This week will mark the end of 7 weeks without a job. It marks the end of the savings that I struggled so hard to earn up. At this point in time I don't have enough money to live here another month. Previously, I was determined to stay in LA, but just today I finally feel ready to give up.

For 9 1/2 months I was stucks. That was very trying. After 8 of those months I had to live with someone who was kind enough to put me up for free even though they couldn't really afford it. That was also very trying and difficult. For the first 10 months in LA I didn't have enough money to live on my own or be independent. But I put up with and I fought. Now, after 4 more months, I am giving up. The economy is taking a dive - things are even worse here in California. Banks are failing, firms are making layoffs, the government is dramatically cutting its worse pay and has put a hold on all new hires, the local schools have taken dramatic budget cuts, and now Hollywood is expecting an actor's strike on the tails of the winter's writer's strike. Only Silicon Valley still floats - and that's north quite a ways.

And then there's the last 7 weeks that I've been out of work: I was sick for 2 weeks and I had to see the doctor twice. Temp agencies can't find me work (too few jobs, too many resumes), I can't find myself work. My car battery needs replacing. My computer's power button breaks and needs replacing and I don't have my computer for a week and a half. I can't get internet at my apartment. Then the water pressure starts slowly dropping at the apartment. My roommates now want to kick me out because they don't think I can afford to live there anymore. I have another foot injury. I take refuge at my family's house but there's always drama what with 12+ people constantly in and out and the risk of bankruptcy on the horizon. I get a ticket because a headlight is out on my car and I can't figure out how to pay it. Desperate, I take a little job doing occasional labor for a local rental company, but it doesn't pay much and the hours are few and the job sucks. So I apply every chance I get to as many jobs as I can find, getting only a couple of interviews that are mostly very far away and not anything I'd be any good at.

So finally I followed a good lead on Monday and found a job I really want. But today I'm tired and more crap keeps going wrong. The water heater is now not working at my apartment - I may have to help pay for that if we need a new one. The toilet also broke this morning and won't flush. The air conditioner seems to have stopped working on my car. One of my cousins is literally selling food on the street to try to cover his expenses. Most of my clothes are old and not in great shape. I've gained weight, I'm not very healthy right now. There aren't very many places I can go for solace - everybody seems to have big problems.

Monday is the start of Ramandan. Monday will either be the start of a new job, or my last call to the temp agency. If I don't have an interview that goes well by next Wednesday, I'm getting shipped back to Pennsylvania. I still don't like that reality - but it doesn't look so bad anymore.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I got here but take it easy girl. Things are gonna get better. At the end of the day you still have someone to go to in Pennsylvania. Many people don't have a backup plan. You made it and survived all those months. If you make it, alhamdulellah, if not maybe you are not meant to be in Cali. For best or for worse Pennsylvania might not be that bad.

Relax, this is the best age of your life. Save the stress to a later stage of your life :). I know it sucks and it is hard but no one gets an easy ticket to happiness. You will appreciate it more if it takes time and effort to get it.

Take it easy and Ramadan Mubarak

Old friend